No matter how you look at it, divorce and remarriage transforms a family and puts stress on holiday celebrations. The first post-divorce holiday in particular is a great time to incorporate extended family and friends into activities. It helps to take the edge off of loneliness and reinforces a feeling of belonging.
If children are old enough, they're sure to recall happier Christmases spent together. But for many children in spilt families, the season is a negative and often painful reminder that their parents are now living separate lives.
Things are made even harder with all the family hype surrounding the holidays. The perfect Christmas myth is a vision of mom, dad and the kids happily enjoying their Christmas activities in a festively decorated home. Children are generally more traditional than their parents and long after the separation or divorce, they may still hold onto the hope of having both parents together. Plain and simple, kids want family.
But there are some positive things divorced parents can do make the holidays special.
Foremost, parents need to focus on giving, not winning. You need to put your children�s best interests first and ask yourself how you can minimize any animosity between you and your ex-spouse.
Free your children from the obligation of trying to keep both mommy and daddy happy. Instead of what is best for you, consider what is best for your children.
In a nutshell:
*Don't fight over arrangements. Put aside your differences for the sake of the kids.
*If you come to a stand still, clear your head and then start again fresh. When you give yourself some time to cool down, you can think straight and see that your child's happiness is more important than punishing your ex-spouse.
*To manage your frustration over the situation, engage in stress busting activities like walking, skating or even visiting a massage therapist.
*If need be, trade-of on neutral ground like at a supervised exchange centre or at the home of a mutual friend or family member. One drops off and the other picks up there's no need to even see each other.
*If communication in person or on the phone with your ex-spouse is getting heated try email. Focus on the reason for the communication and keep it brief. With electronic mail you can take the time to think about what you're going to say, write it and then revise it if necessary. Often this is the best way to make sure you both put the kids first.
Please stay tuned to my Family Life posts for more tips on how to make a divided family Christmas a special one.
Published by Sherrie Le Masurier on November 11, 2007 07:26 PM
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